Long-time readers will no doubt still be recovering from the unpleasantness of having to read about the atrocity known as ‘chessboxing‘.
Reluctantly, however, it must be admitted that our recent report of that evening’s nonsense nonetheless garnered some favourable reviews from one or two of our (more unhinged?) readers. It seems ‘human interest’ stories drawn from outside of the Clubhouse are occasionally found welcome among our pages.
So it is with a sense of curiosity mixed with horror that the Editorial Committee came to hear of another such Chess Circle expedition outside of the environs of Whitehall Place. A number of the NLC chessers apparently believed it desirable to spend an evening using petroleum-powered automotive vehicles to drive in circles as quickly as they were able. One of the younger members at the bar suggested to the Editorial Committee that this pursuit is called ‘Go Karting’ or some such, and is a popular form of automotive sport.
Readers at this point are no doubt wondering where in London one has to go to experience such a ordeal. Unsurprisingly, as one can well imagine, establishments offering such ‘pleasures’ are generally to be found between the seedy opium dens and cock-fighting rings of the east London wharfs and docks. See the picture below for the evidence of that. Readers will note that not a single chesterfield armchair can be seen.
Further privations lie in store. This ‘Karting’ requires the Liberal to willingly adopt a frankly ridiculous form of dress that precluded even the wearing of the Club tie or pocket square, as can be seen in this lithograph taken on the night.
That alone should have been enough to signal that the escapade should have been called off. But no, these foolhardy Libs ploughed on.
‘Karting’ is evidently not a pursuit worthy of a gentleman and no member of the Editorial Committee would countenance attending such an event, being men of character, standing and all round sound taste. But the Committee does try to provide our readers with satisfaction, and so we appointed Mister Ioannou as this journal’s Automotive Sports Correspondent.
Mister Ioannou, roundly known in the bar for his enthusiasm more than his judgement having apparently partaken of this ‘Karting’ a number of times previously, filed the following dispatch by telegram in the early hours of the next morning:
The way a Libbers mind works is a strange and beautiful thing! A thoroughly enjoyable evening spent at chess boxing convinced the Libbers they needed to broaden their circle from Whitehall Place.
A few days later they were back in their natural habitat at a black tie dinner at the RAC, but it got them thinking the next event should have 4 wheels and an engine!
And so it came to pass that on a damp, Autumnal Friday night a few hardy souls found their way to an industrial estate in Docklands for the inaugural NLC go karting event .
The first challenge was an orienteering one as they wandered around trying to find the entrance in the dark. Once that was successfully completed it was time to get ready.
The Libbers are used to walking that tightrope between glorious success and crashing and burning. The danger was a little more real this time though, and the glad rags were replaced by fire retardant race suits!
The racing started with a cautious opening as the competitors made solid progress. But, as the confidence grew, the spirit of Magnus Carlsen was replaced by the drive of Ayrton Senna and paint was traded and places swapped in the quest for glory.
The star of the show was undoubtedly Dr Kirby! In his first ever karting session he blew the rest of the field away with a fastest lap of 45.036. Our board 1 maestro can do no wrong and seems to excel at whatever he puts his mind to! Was he in the wrong kart, or could it be that studying theory does actually work?!?!
The Editorial Committee does, at this point, wish to join our Correspondent in advancing our congratulations to Doctor Kirby on his remarkable efforts. It is rumoured at the NLC bar that the Doctor has not even secured the necessary qualification to take the reigns of his own hansom cab. If true, his efforts here are truly noteworthy.
Now the Editorial Committee must insist that this marks the end of such extra-curricular tomfoolery and so we can get back to reporting on chess.
Where to begin. I think the timing system was off as my best times were 55 seconds rather than 45 – it was the last lap of the second session so IMHO something went wrong.
Also everything seems to hurt – ankles, wrists, thighs. It’s almost like getting exercise, which is something no gentleman should admit to publicly. I therefore take the opportunity to announce my retirement from karting.
P.S. Although I do not operate a Hansom Cab, i do have the necessary licence as I passed in 1993 (or 1893 as may be preferable for this publication)